— Northwest Elementary School Principal Dave Bauman on Gayle Yondorf-Chavez, Northwest Elementary and Pre-K teacher, meeting requirements for the Texas School Ready Certification by The Children’s Learning Institute and
The University of Texas Health Sciences Center in Houston; Bauman made the remarks in a Jan. 5 Pflugerville ISD
electronic newsletter

— Pflugerville Police Chief Chuck Hooker on the
department’s adoption of Chevrolet Tahoe sports utility vehicles as the model for its fleet, after Ford’s phasing out of its Crown Victoria Police Interceptor line

Special to the Pflag

“I was just being nice and look what happened!”

A loved one of mine slumped dejectedly on my sofa as she related a dark tale of woe one recent Sunday, mug of Earl Grey in hand, countenance glum.

She was talking about her roommates, two 20-something strangers she had taken in for the rent money; sight unseen, provenance unknown. The “being nice” element was that she offered Frick and Frack use of her car without apparent conditions, for which they expected use of it … unconditionally.

“I mean, who does that? Who in the world thinks that I can just give up my car ‘whenever’?”

Before you shake your head in disdain for one reason (“The nerve of those kids!”) or another (“What, is she crazy?”): How many times have you heard (or uttered) a similar statement, under circumstances in which there is an obvious Nice Person and an obviously Thankless Cohort?

Before I address that further, let me set up another scene:

My co-worker and I were sitting at our desks early one Friday morning, hot beverages in hand, relaxing before the usual Friday rush. All of a sudden, a woman bursts through our employees-only entrance; seething and panting outside of our work area and wielding a large envelope:

“Who is responsible for the mail here? Do you know how many times I’ve HAND-CARRIED misdirected mail from our office on the third floor to YOUR office? And you can’t offer me the SAME COURTESY?”

My co-worker and I looked at each other, then stared at the woman with complete incomprehension, largely due to the fact that we had no idea what she was talking about. It was a stunning disruption.

To summarize a gusty and angsty story: This woman had, well, hand-delivered all of the mail addressed to our company and that was incorrectly mailed to her office, and … when our office had received a piece of mail belonging to her office…someone dropped it back into the mail (which is the legally correct thing to do) instead of (you guessed it) hand-carrying to her.

In other words, our company did not hold up our end of the phantom relationship she had imagined, thus sending her into a self-righteous frenzy that propelled her up to our fourth floor (where she received blank looks and subsequent redirection to our second floor office) and then home again, thus completing her Martyr’s Journey – and where she undoubtedly recounted to her peers:

“I mean, who does that? Who just drops things in the mail after I have dragged my butt to their office so many times when I didn’t have to…”?

Uh-huh.

As you may have guessed, this is now the part of the column in which we identify the common denominators and suss out the moral.

Or, more directly: Is “being nice” truly altruistic if conditions are attached?

Most of us will respond as such: “But I don’t expect anything by being nice…well, ok, just common decency.” Or, as the loved one stated when I asked her for her remarks for this column, “I thought that maybe they would think like I do; you know, see things the same way!”

Aha.

Now we’ve hit on every communication problem in the world, from relations with strangers in the supermarket to fighting married couples to the Middle East crisis.

You see, “common decency” has some commonalities, but there’s no one pool that every person in the world draws from. One party may “be nice” for reasons that don’t translate to someone who grew up in an entirely different culture, perhaps one in which “nice” is an invitation to theft (just ask a manager where I work; she routinely bought breakfast for her employees and one thanked her by stealing from her petty cash box), or sacking a village (check out your old social studies book for examples of this one).

Common courtesy isn’t always so “common,” in other words. You may be right about half of the people you make this assumption with, but the rest of the folks will leave you frustrated when your car is constantly missing, your candy jar empty, your mail routed through the USPS instead of trotted upstairs.

In defense of the percieved “thoughtless”, though: Most of us at some time or another (me included) are guilty of “being nice” in a transactional sense. Some people, unfortunately, use their time or resources as social currency every day. Considering this, we should all check our benevolence for holes: Did you do some kind act to impress someone? Buy loyalty? Get them off your back (my favorite lazy “strategy”)? Expect future dividends in the form of grateful reciprocity?

Were you frustrated when none of these things happened?

A way to get around this problem is to communicate expectations clearly and demarcate boundaries unambiguously, relegating “nice” acts to those which you can perform with no strings or expectations (i.e., “charity”; more on that below). Boring, I know, but if you don’t have the time or the wherewithal to give of your resources and self freely, spell out the deal: “The car is only available on Mondays and Wednesdays.” “Trespassers will be shot.” “Let’s set up a division of domestic labor because we both work, honey.” “Violators of the Geneva Convention will be arrested and may report to the Hague for trial.” That sort of thing.

Not doing so allows others to act based their cultural context. Which may mean different things to me versus the lady sitting next to me in the coffee shop where I’m writing this column, or the person riding his bicycle outside, or even my cousin Keith, who I share DNA with.

The word “boundaries” is bandied about in countless self-help articles and on the lips of the readers thereof, but it’s harder to come by in practice, as practitioners thereof are often seen as inflexible, cruel or just plain mean. But, boundary-enforcers are rarely disrespected.

When given the choice of “love” or respect, though, people often opt for the former  – thus perpetuating the Ticked-Off Cycle provided by constantly expecting more than people can give, without giving them the tools for making appropriate choices within the context of needs and relationship (whether that’s man/wife, employer/employee or government/terrorist organization).

It’s up to you, then: You have a choice of whether you want respect, love or both. The latter is attainable (truly!) if you indeed practice charity tempered by boundaries where you cannot truly give freely.

Ah, charity. Charity is the highest form of love, spoken of Biblically, Talmud-ically, Koran-ically, pretty much all religions-ly, as the pinnicle of human effort. Charity is giving freely without strings. Charity does what it does, moves on and doesn’t look back to see if anyone noticed. Charity mopeth not, weepeth not, stompeth not its feet (my paraphrase of I Corinthians 13). Charity hand-delivers without expecting the same in return.

A final story: Charity actually visited my home this weekend, bidden by my sister (in a charitable role of her own) to fix my furnace, free of charge. He found that the problem was simple, involving AAA batteries and a fuse. He came and went in a flurry, with only a stern instruction to “buy air filters when you’re out today.”

From what I understand of this man from those who know him, this is common behavior on his part. He fixes things because he can and because folks need him to, not because of some expectation of reward (from people, anyway), but because he has the ability to give of his gifts.

I’m sure he’s not perfect (his wife probably yells at him to pick up his dirty socks or something), but he is a great example of what can be done when one is doing what they’re good at for the benefit of others, free of the burden of desired reciprocity (except for those customers he has a contract with – I’m guessing his biller is busy!).

So, back to “being nice”: Know your boundaries, check your motives and proceed apace. And remember: Nice is as nice does … do not forget to set boundaries when charity is not in the offing. Amen.

S.R. Brown lives in Pflugerville and is a marketing consultant.

Throughout November and December the Leader and Pflag collected non-perishable food in the lobby of our office, at 1015 S. Mays.

Our readers responded with an array of donated goods – dropping off everything from canned fruits and vegetables to cereal, pasta and peanut butter.

In the days before Christmas, we took these to the Serving Center, 1009 E. Main St. and The Storehouse, 1202 FM 685 (Dessau Road).

The holiday food drive was a success – and all are to be commended for their generosity – but that doesn’t mean future food bank needs will be met. As Serving Center Executive Director Lori Scott has often said: “Hunger knows no season.”

That can be especially true in times like these, when families are struggling because of the economy.

“We’re seeing about 40 to 50 percent new faces that we’ve never seen before,” Storehouse founder Jack Cochrun said when we began the food drive in November. “The folks we are serving are the last hired and the first fired and just get caught in the cracks.”

Cochrun estimated The Storehouse serves 60 to 80 families daily.

In 2010 The Storehouse served approximately 63,000 individuals – 60 percent of them from Pflugerville, with clients also hailing from as far north as Jarrell and as far south as Buda.

From the Serving Center, Scott offered a similar report: “The food distribution programs are running 9 percent ahead of last year. We have helped 49,000 people this year (representing about 16,000 households).”

In-person donations are accepted at the Serving Center each Monday through Saturday, from 8 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.

Food can be taken to The Storehouse each Tuesday through Saturday, between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Both organizations also happily accept monetary donations, as they are able to buy groceries at discount prices from the Capital Area Food Bank in Austin. Also, Cochrun said, H-E-B sells them ground beef at reduced process.

Checks for The Storehouse should be mailed to P.O. Box 1256, Pflugerville, Texas 78691.

Checks for the Serving Center should be mailed to P.O. Box 5006, Round Rock, Texas 78683.

— Lydia Wolff, who celebrated her 100th
birthday on Dec. 10, credits the decades she spent plowing and planting fields, laboring in various
service jobs and raising five kids for making it to the century mark

— Mayor Jeff Coleman  at a Dec. 13 City Council meeting, noting support of Pflugerville ISD’s
lawsuit against the state education finance system

Dear Editor,

Kudos to Rebekah Skelton on her Pflugerville Pflag article “After 100 Years of Living…”.  Both the interview and the article were done professionally and factually. All of Lydia Wolff’s family say “THANK YOU”, Rebekah, for a job well done.

— Herb Wolff,
Round Rock

Pflugerville Police Cpl. Dan Griffith, Pflugerville Blue Santa coordinator; Donations to Blue Santa can be dropped off at Brookhollow, Springhill, Timmerman, Murchison or Pflugerville
elementary schools. Other locations include Gaddy’s Feed, Comerica Bank, Pflugerville Chamber of Commerce, A+ Federal Credit Union, Wells Branch Self Storage, Farmers Insurance Group in Round Rock, Pflugerville City Hall, Falcon Pointe Community Center, Stor Self Storage and the Pflugerville Justice Center.

The Bill of Rights, containing the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution, was ratified on Dec. 15, 1791. On Thursday, we celebrate its 220th birthday.

Just as Thomas Jefferson is known for writing the Declaration of Independence, another of our founding fathers – James Madison – is crediting with crafting the Bill of Rights, another of our nation’s most iconic and representative documents.

Events – as Ralph Waldo Emerson observed – are often in the saddle and ride mankind, instead of it being the other way around.  Yet great men and great women can and do tilt the balance of history.

Writing about Madison – who would go on to be our fourth president – University of Kentucky historian Richard Labunski had this to say: “If it were not for his efforts … we would not have had a Bill of Rights then or perhaps ever. He helped organize the Constitutional Convention of 1787 and write a document that has endured for more than two centuries. Madison led the Constitution’s supporters to an 89-79 vote victory. If Virginia – the largest and most important state – had not ratified then, there would be no union. Washington would not have been president … the ensuing crisis would have crippled the new nation.”

A couple of years ago, a Zogby Interactive Survey noted that while 65 percent of people age 65 and older specifically celebrate our national independence on July 4, just 40 percent of those age 18 to 29 do.

We’re not sure what those numbers mean, but wonder if similar attitudes don’t hold regarding reverence for our Constitution and Bill of Rights.

Perhaps patriotism – like piety – does increase with age. People do, after all, often yearn to be closer to God as they grow older. And it is not – despite what some cynics might say – just because they are also closer to death.  It is – with both patriotism and piety – more a matter of increasing maturity and appreciation. On the other hand, we might have it backwards on the implied cause and effect. With the exception of our all-volunteer military, patriotism might not be so much increasing with age as it is decreasing with youth.

Put bluntly: Is love of country still taught in school?

Do students still learn that we as Americans believe human beings have rights that are inborn, not bestowed? And that government has limits to its power? And that we the people decide what those limits are? For the sake of our nation each generation must learn those lessons – those and others contained in Madison’s Bill of Rights.

It is said that as the Constitutional Convention adjourned, a passerby hailed Benjamin Franklin with, “Well, Dr. Franklin, what have we got – a republic or a monarchy?”

And Franklin replied: “A republic – if you can keep it.”

The answer, we believe, is “yes,” and we believe you think so, too. After all, you’re reading a newspaper right this minute.

Whether you scroll around online or carry the physical paper product in your hands, newspapers provide you with a wide variety of information regarding – when you think about it – an astonishing array of topics.

As an aside, this editorial writer recalls once, in the very same day, traveling directly from an elementary school Christmas decorating contest to a murder trial. That’s an extreme example, but not by much.

This newspaper and others serve as vital links in the economic lives of their communities, connecting advertisers with subscribers and other readers.

This newspaper and others also serve as vital links in the civic, social and political life of their communities.

Here at the Pflugerville Pflag, we localize big national or global stories, when appropriate. It’s important to provide perspective on how our little corner of the earth, here in Pflugerville and Travis County, fits into the bigger picture of which we are all a part.

That said, our primary focus is always going to be on what’s happening here.

We report on what affects you: what’s going on with your school board and at your city hall.

We’re here for you, when your daughter makes the honor roll and your son earns his Eagle Scout badge.

We’re here for you, when your neighbor’s kid finishes boot camp and when that new business opens up down the street.

Through it all, we have – outside of the opinion page – no “agenda” we are pushing, other than a general regard for civic welfare and human decency.

We are, in short, here with you for the best and worst times in your lives.

We are here to help you say, as Thornton Wilder expressed it in “Our Town:” “This is the way we were – in our growing up and our marrying, and in our living and our dying.”